


Lathbora Viran

by TheDreadWolfTook



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fade Sex, Kissing, Long-Distance Relationship, Mutual Pining, i haven't done this in so long, not explicit, someone has probably already used this title lol, they love each other and it's sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-05
Updated: 2020-12-05
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:07:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,231
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27886504
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheDreadWolfTook/pseuds/TheDreadWolfTook
Summary: She was sick of looking at her face.“I wish I had let you take it,” She said, trembling and nauseous. He didn’t respond - her never did. The anger boiled over, and she slapped the surface of the water, magic carelessly surging from her fingers and sending the water flying. She breathed through her teeth and whipped her head around to glare at the familiar shape haunting the cave.“I wish I had never met you.” She said. She wasn’t sure that she meant it.
Relationships: Female Lavellan/Solas
Kudos: 7





	Lathbora Viran

The water had been colder than one might have expected in the Western Approach, but Vhenan hadn’t complained. She buried her toes in the sand and let the water cool her burning soles, and she had thought about maybe finally agreeing to wear shoes next time. Still standing in the water, she had carefully taken off her armor and gambeson and then laid them carefully on the bank, leaving herself in only her small clothes. 

Being out in the open and practically naked in an inhospitable desert may have not been Vhenan’s best decision but she hadn’t worried. Her armor had trapped her sweat against her body and it had mixed with the sand and dust from the desert. She had been filthy, coated in a fine layer of muck and she had desperately needed a bath. 

Besides, she didn’t need her staff or armor to defend herself. 

She had watched the dirt and blood as it washed off her, splotches of color swirling in the water before dissipating, and she hadn’t noticed at first that she was no longer alone. But then, she looked away, and there he had been standing. 

“It’s rude to spy on someone bathing.” Her voice had been stern, but she had been smiling. 

“I’d never wish to offend,” Solas had said. His soft smile would burn itself in her memory. He then stepped into the water and she had automatically reached for him, always wanting to touch and be touched, He had touched her cheek, and had melted. 

They kissed, softening and warming Vhenan, relaxing her even more than the bath had. They weren’t very affectionate around their comrades, although they didn’t hide themselves, and she had always appreciated the moments that they managed to sneak around for themselves.

“You need to bathe as well,” Vhenan had said when they broke their kiss, before she kissed him again. She helped him undress, pulling away to peel his layers off and to lay them on top of her clothes. She had used the same fabric to wash his chest as she had used to wash herself, although she had paid more attention to the way water dripped down his deceptively toned torso than she had actually cared about cleaning him. They kept kissing, never really pulling away from each other, and eventually the fabric was discarded as well as all pretense. 

She had looped her arms around his neck and pressed her body hard against his, and his hands had sat on her waist, fingers just under the fabric of her camisole, pressing, burning into her skin and then he pulled away, completely detaching himself. Vhenan’s brain had been too foggy to understand what had happened, and he had just smiled sadly at her.

“I’m sorry, my heart. I should let you get back to your bath,” He had said, before pulling his clothes back on and leaving her without another word, another touch. For the first time since she had arrived in the Western Approach, Vhenan had felt cold. 

She’d question why that memory bubbled up to her surface, so vivid it was like she was reliving it, but as she stared across the still water of that pond in Crestwood. She only had so many memories of Solas and water, and she guessed she didn’t exactly want to relive her heartbreak, even if the time in the Western Approach left a bitter taste in her mouth even now, so many years later. 

_Bathe. Water. Step in the pond. Wash. Clean._

Words zipped by her, as if someone was running past her and whispering to her as they did. She had to focus to catch what they were saying, but she had gotten used to the voices from Mythal’s well, and it was easier to understand them. 

Easier to understand what they were saying, anyway - she still rarely understood what they wanted or intended until she had already done it. She wasn’t certain why they wanted her to step into the lake, but she did heeded their words anyway. 

She was dreaming - she already knew that. So she didn’t undress so much as imagine herself nude and her clothes folded neatly beside her, and so it happened. The water was soothing, cool but not cold, no matter how far she waded in. She felt a little silly washing herself when she wasn’t dirty, but the whispers guided her, so she let her mind go blank. 

Vhenan rarely got time to rest nowadays. Even if information was slow, there was always more to do, more to fix, more to help. The fade was one of the few places she could catch her breath, even if it meant her sleep wasn’t quite as satisfying as it had been before. But it was okay - she rarely had the time to be tired, anyway. 

_He’s here. Him. He. Fen’Harel. The Dread Wolf. Solas. He. Him. Here._

She froze. The fade grew quiet as she stared at her reflection, too scared to turn in case he left. He visited her often in her dreams, and if she was honest, maybe that’s why she worked so hard to be aware when she slept. So she could have this. So she could know he still cared.

She was hopeless.

So she stood there, just staring at her reflection, the water suddenly feeling much colder than it had been. She traced the lines of her Vallaslin with her eyes, the ones that symbolized that she was devoted to Mythal, and the absurdity of the situation collapsed.   
  
She had spent years running from the fact that everything she had once believed had been a lie, but it seemed destined to finally fall on her then. She was beholden to Mythal’s will - a Mythal who was a _real_ person. Not a god, just a mage, but one so powerful that Vhenan couldn’t resist her will so many ages after her death. And Vhenan carried her slave markings.

She felt weak, but she kept standing, invisible hands resting on her shoulders for a second before disappearing, the priests past trying to comfort her in their own way. But there was no comfort to be had. 

She’d probably find the irony funny had it not been her own face, but instead she just felt shame and regret, deep and burning hot in her stomach. She had been wrong. They had all been wrong. Every facet of history and the past her clan had obsessed over and they had been _wrong_. It rolled in her gut, making her feel nauseous.

And of course, she found that out by falling in love with the god her parents had told her stories about to scare her. 

She didn’t know if she wanted to cry or laugh, but that deep pit in her stomach started to churn, turning and toiling until it shifted to anger, born of her regret and shame. 

She was sick of looking at her face.

“I wish I had let you take it,” She said, trembling and nauseous. He didn’t respond - her never did. The anger boiled over, and she slapped the surface of the water, magic carelessly surging from her fingers and sending the water flying. She breathed through her teeth and whipped her head around to glare at the familiar shape haunting the cave.

“I wish I had never met you.” She said. She wasn’t sure that she meant it. 

Solas - in the shape of a wolf, like he usually came to her in - didn’t speak, or even react, but something the air shifted. Vhenan didn’t realize at first that Solas was attempting to leave her dream, but she lashed out the same, her magic spreading through her dream and coming down like a net, trapping Solas in with her. She panted with the exertion of maintaining her trap, and the wolf’s head turned, as if assessing her. 

The wolf took a step, expression unreadable. Vhenan’s eyes didn’t leave him, but between one blink and the next, it stopped being a wolf and stopped being Solas. 

It had been over a year since she had last seen him, but he hadn’t changed much. He just looked sadder - lines etched into his ageless face that made her believe he hadn’t smiled in a long time.

She swallowed the lump in her throat, wanting to still be angry, but something in his expression just deflated her. Now, she just felt tired and cold. She straightened her posture and brought her arms to hide her chest, suddenly aware of her state of undress. Her magic dissipated, but Solas remained. 

“I’m sorry, my heart,” He said, in that voice of his that made him sound so wise and smart, making her feel weak so that the term of endearment hit her harder, knocking the wind out of her lungs. She breathed in deeply, trying to displace the hurt, and turned away.

“Please, stop,” She asked with a sigh. She walked towards the edge of the bank, manifesting a simple tunic to cover her as she stepped out of the water. Solas hadn’t moved, only watching her with the same sad expression he had before.

“I just don’t understand why this happened,” She said, the “ _why me_?” implicit. 

“Because I was selfish and impatient,” Solas answered, and she closed her eyes. “If I had just waited to gain my strength, if I hadn’t given Corypheus my orb -”

He sighed, shaking his head. “You didn’t deserve this, Vhenan. I’ve hurt many people, and none do I regret as much as the way I’ve hurt you. If I could go back and stop us earlier, or stop myself from encouraging you -”

“Solas, stop,” Vhenan said, stepping towards him. He stepped in as well, as if they were in a dance. “Your presence in my life isn’t something you get to use to just further your guilt.”

“What we had -” She breathed in and swallowed thickly, words escaping her. She shook her head and Solas moved closer, as if he wanted to comfort her, but he stopped just at arms reach. 

“I don’t understand why you keep coming here,” She said, although she knew the words were wrong the moment they left her mouth.

Their relationship, the time they spent - she didn’t regret that. She didn’t know how to say it, how to tell him - everything that happened, even her losing her religion and the sour taste her traditions took on now, it would have all been worth it, if he had simply stayed.

No, she knew why he kept coming here. She reached out and touched him, relief swelling in her chest when he didn’t disappear, She pressed her hand against his chest, feeling the fabric and the warmth. 

“I don’t understand why you never stay,” She said, her voice small, like an insecure child. 

“Vhenan,” He said, softly. A shiver ran up her spine - no one in the world had ever said her name the way he did, and she never wanted anyone else to say it. He cupped her chin, raising her head so that she met his eyes.

Before her best judgement could stop her, she shot up on her toes and pressed their lips together. Solas didn’t hesitate kissing her back, one hand coming up to hold her head against his and the other pulling her to him. She wrapped her arms around him as if she was drowning, and something in her stomach pulled at the seams and fell apart. 

A wave of yearning and love washed over her. She hadn’t realized how much she had missed _this_ \- the way Solas felt warm against her, the strength in his arms as he held her, the press of his hand against her face. Vhenan wanted it so much more than she realized and she felt like crying at getting it back. 

She deepened the kiss, desperate for more, and Solas didn’t refuse her. The way he held her to him, as if he wanted to make her a part of him, Vhenan realized that he had been as needy for this as she had.

“Please stay,” She said, when they broke apart, panting for air. “Just for tonight, just here.”

She lifted her head and met his gaze head on. “I know you. No false pretenses this time. Please, stay.”

She watched as surprise, then indecision, then regret crossed Solas’s face, and before he could answer she kissed him again. For one second, one brief second, he tensed up. But in the next heartbeat he relaxed fully, and pulled her tight against him. He was going to stay. Just for tonight. 

He leaned her back - never breaking their kiss - until she was laying on her back. On the bank of the pond he broke her heart at, they became one. Hands wandered, the lines of muscles were memorized and each freckle was counted. Vhenan had asked for one night, and Solas seemed intent on making it count. 

Time was strange in the fade. A full night's rest could feel like 10 minutes, or it could feel like you've experienced days all at once. Vhenan didn't know how much time they spent intertwined, or how long she had spent before he arrived. All she knew is that seconds after Solas kissed her for the last time, the fade dissolved around her and she was awake, and she was alone.

**Author's Note:**

> So this is actually part of a larger, unfinished long fic, but I'm so busy Idk when I'm gonna be able to finish it and it's still Dragon Age Day and this is pretty stand alone so -- here it is! yay!


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